It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

The Biscuit (and family) suffered a terrible loss over the last week. Sadly, our dear, sweet cat of over a decade was tragically killed following her getting out of the house, getting lost in the cold, and getting picked up by animal "control" officers. In the most horrific of circumstances, she was sheltered by a kind family for the night, taken by animal control (so she could be found by her family), and was then killed within only a couple of hours of them taking her into custody. Although I ran to her rescue, I was too late and never even had a chance to see her. It happened very quickly and was a terrible circumstance filled with loss, followed by happiness and hope, followed by tragic loss.

I tell you this to offer some context for the truly tragic and sudden loss and the nature of the grief and absence that we are feeling. In keeping with the spirit of this blog, I will focus less on the inhumanity and anger I have related to the cruel circumstances that befell her and focus more on the toddler issue at hand: How do you talk to a toddler about the death of a beloved pet?

I'm not a psychologist or a doctor, so I am only sharing my perspective with the hopes that it might give someone helpful hints in the event you are faced with this (and I truly hope you never are). I've done my best to read what I could on the Internet about tips for dealing with loss for toddlers, which basically affirmed what is common sense and what I knew to do: tell the truth, but limit the information and find a way for the toddler to connect to the loss at their level.

The Biscuit loved, loved, loved his pet kitty. She was "his" pet. He held her, petted her, called her, scolded her, chased her, caught her, kissed her, fed her, made messes with her, played with her, apologized to her (when he was bad), and knew her as another member of our family. She was part of our routine every day and the sudden shake-up in our routine hit us both pretty hard. I knew I had to address what had happened to her after the tragedy, but the grief of the situation made it quite hard to even get the words out.

I waited a day (after it happened) before I told the Biscuit. When I decided it was time, I held him close and said that his kitty had died and gone to heaven, and that she was happy there. I then told him that I was sad right now and that it was okay for him to be sad if he misses her too. I also told him that if he thinks about her, it's okay to say, "I miss [kitty's name]". Then I told him that we could say a little prayer together to let her know how much we love her and miss her. He hugged me after, though I don't think he was truly understanding it all... but was a toddler consoling his mommy. I talked to him about planting something in the garden that we can remember her by, but he wasn't interested.

In the days that followed, when there were times in our routine when we normally saw our kitty, the Biscuit would say, "I miss [kitty's name]." I would follow with, I miss her too, love. Also, I added a few photos around the house of the kitty so he can still see her. He often asks to look at the one I keep on my desktop (PC). He smiles when he sees her.

He doesn't mention her any less yet, it has only been a week, but I expect that eventually the routine we know will no longer hold her memory so close. The thought of that makes me quite sad, but I know it is unavoidable. All in all, I think he's doing great.

Rest in peace, sweet girl. I'm so sorry you were alone. Thank you for the faithful love. We miss you more every day.

Pull Ups: Spanx for Toddlers

This week, a trusted toddler mommy gave me some advice to ditch the easy-ups/pull-ups once and for all (in response to my continuing to struggle with potty training and the underpants gnomes). She was echoing the advice I'd been ignoring from the Biscuit's teachers at daycare who refused to allow pull-ups in the door. "You can either bring in diapers or go full-on and potty train with underwear and lots of extra clothes."

I had no idea that pull-ups, easy-ups, whatever you want to call "trainers" are really just potty training failure pro-longers. It never occurred to me that Huggies and Pampers, names I had come to know and trust (and commit 30% of my paycheck to) would betray me. I guess, it makes sense. Although the trainers do get your toddler in the habit and flow of self-dressing, they still make it really easy for them to have accidents (without really feeling it like they would in a diaper) --don't get me started on the cool alert idea; that's just barbaric!

Truly, I suppose I'm to blame. Though the Biscuit is mostly potty trained, I continued to dress him in pull-ups when we went out for an extended errand run or to church on the weekends, and (of course) at night time.

Still not convinced that you should dump (or never consider) pull-ups? Stop being so hard-headed (like I was) and just take a toddler mom's word for it: skip the pull-ups and go directly to 100% cotton tighty-whiteys. If you're still wavering, check out this link for a subtle reminder of things we thought were a good idea at the time but have since come back to bite us in the butt.

So I bit the bullet and moved the Biscuit to big boy underwear 100% of the time (including night time). As I informed that same trusted mommy 2 days into the new pull-up-free Biscuitville, I was knee-deep in laundry for 2 nights in a row. And then, as if by magic: he got it! Yes, of course I heard "I need go pee pee" at least twice after I put him to bed every night since, but he does it and then Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz until the next morning (at his regular wake up time) where he awakes to dry sheets.

It just amazed me how easy it really was. Pull-ups for toddlers are like Spanx for us women. Yes, they make you feel better and you look better but, in the end, you're just prolonging the inevitable: lay off the fries and get back on the Pilates.

Biscuit: I'm sorry you have such a dense mommy sometimes, but she's learning.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Diapers

I had such a special treat this week. On Monday, when I arrived to pick up the Biscuit from daycare, I found a stack of diapers in his cubbie with a note from his teachers that read, "Yay!The Biscuit doesn't need these anymore."

You all know how long we've been working on potty training the Biscuit. He can claim victory over the toilet (more or less) at last! The Biscuit isn't accident-free, but he certainly has more good days than bad. The last phase for his potty training at daycare was getting rid of the diaper during naptime. We had been working on this at home for a while and I finally let his teachers know that he was ready to stop using a diaper at nap time. They gave it a shot and after 2 days were convinced that the Biscuit was ready.

Now, when I say that the Biscuit is potty trained, that implies that he is level 1 potty trained. Sadly (and this was news to me as a first-time mom) toddlers potty train with #1 first. Getting trained to use the potty for #2 happens later on. So the Biscuit is still pooping in his undies EVERY DAY and Maminka still has to swish them in the toilet to get them clean after (ewww! a trick my own Maminka had to show me). I pray that he poops at daycare so I don't have to clean it up.

Well, as I said, he'd get it in Biscuit time. And so he did. Diaper Pail be GONE!

Trick or Treat, I Can't Sleep

We managed to make it through our first official trick-or-treating Halloween. The Biscuit sought treats at 3 houses (1 more than I thought we'd make it to) before we made the short trek back to the house. All in all, we walked away with a handful of candy, a runny nose (from the cool night air), 1 souped up red wagon (that served as a real-life Lightning McQueen), and the moment forever captured in video. The Biscuit ended the night with the phrase, "that was a good trick or treat" so I feel I did my job well this year.

Since Halloween was the night before the change in time, the Biscuit has spent the entirety of this week trying to catch up. So, on top of the runny nose, riding home from daycare in the dark, and eating/bathing/getting to bed later, Maminka has had little to no sleep this week.

I feel as though we've regressed back to the days of infantdom when we went through spells of crying every couple of hours (which I answered by rocking the Biscuit back to sleep). I'm not a total pushover, I don't go running to the Biscuit's room with every cry but since he is sick, I do feel compelled to answer the call when the real tears and cries start. In my head, I think that the Biscuit just knows that he's uncomfortable (from the stuffy nose and disconnectedness to time of day) and hasn't learned how to cope. The comfort of mommy's calming shoulder to sleep on seems to do the trick.

Well, it's 8:00 pm on night 5 of the latest spell of sleeping trouble... and I don't hear a whimper. Perhaps he's made it through another milestone of development (perhaps I'll be up again at 3:00 am). In this case, time truly will tell.

Wishing you and yours a happy election week. However you voted, here's hoping you voted with your little one's futures in mind as well.

Did a Little Jacket Scare You?

He takes a huge gulp from his glass, knocks it back, and exhales with an "Ahhhhhhh. This is the life." These are not words I expected to hear from my 2 1/2 year old following dinner tonight as he drains his sippy cup of milk. As always, the Biscuit amazes me with his mature verbal skills and continues to make his linguist momma proud.

He's growing up so fast, yet he's still my little baby. I don't know if it's the scarecrows, pumpkins, ghouls, and general spookiness in the air that let us know Halloween is fast approaching or if it's just that time in a toddler's developmental stage, but lately my ever-mature Biscuit has regressed back a bit to his earlier days of fear of the unknown. Surely you all remember my post about the scary doorstop in Moving to a New House 3 when the Biscuit learned the phrase "scared you." Now the Biscuit's fears have moved from doorstops to bulky jackets.

The Biscuit's Starenka picked up a winter jacket for him a couple of weeks ago (we love Starenka who's always picking up stuff). I finally washed the jacket and hung it on the doorknob of a closet door that's in the hallway on the way to the Biscuit's bedroom. When the Biscuit walked out of his bedroom one morning, he saw the shape of the bulky jacket hanging on the doorknob. He quickly moved to the far side of the hallway and demanded my hand as we walked down the hall together.

I realized that it did look a bit like a little boy standing in the shadows of the hallway, so I put the jacket away in the closet. The Biscuit, brilliant boy, was not fooled. He knew the jacket was still in the closet (and hence the scary thing is still there). His fears progressed each morning. When he woke up this morning, his first words to me were "Jacket scare you?" This was his way of asking if I had been scared to walk down the hallway by myself to get him. This morning he wouldn't walk by himself holding my hand, instead he demanded that I carry him down the hallway past the closet.

So folks, help. How can mommy rid the house of the demon jacket fears? It's about 9 hours until tomorrow morning's monster jacket defense lesson. Though I traditionally do quite well under pressure, I just don't have a plan for this particular attack. Time for monster spray perhaps.

Oh, the joys of motherhood! What simple pleasures and tribulations we get to face as we teach our little ones life-changing skills... like bravery and courage. It's truly amazing to me to step back for a moment and recognize the true impact that I will have with how I choose to address this comical and deceptively minor situation.

On that note, I'll drink in a deep breath of courage of my own. Ahhhh, Biscuit... This is the life.

The Longest Potty Training EVER

Oh, loyal readers. After a 3-month hiatus I am, perhaps, back in the saddle again. Much has happened in 3 months, but I will be true to blog form and keep it short, sweet, and single-topic (yeah right). Well, I will do my best.

Sadly (for me), I am still potty training the Biscuit. He's about 50/50 (in the potty/in the pull-up) right now. I've taken the stance of a low-pressure potty training approach. So, how did I get him this far?

1. As noted before, the Biscuit picked out his own potty (to get him excited).
2. I read Bye Bye Diaper as much as the Biscuit can stand it.
3. I created a Potty Chart that I proudly hung on the back of the bathroom door where the potty is.
4. Success = an Elmo sticker on the potty chart for each sucessful potty (2 for poop).
5. On the weekends, we step up from the pull-up and wear big-boy underwear and try to go potty every 45 minutes.
6. We do the potty dance whenever we are successful.
7. I thank the Biscuit for trying if he sits for a while and can't potty and tell him that I know it is frustrating.

As with all things, I know he's smart and he "gets it." When he's ready to go full time potty, he'll let me know.

It's Potty Time!

Well folks, I am on the eve of potty training with the Biscuit. Oh I can just smell it (or not smell it anymore I should say) -- no more stinky diaper pails. I think my diaper pail is pretty good at keeping the smells in, but as the Biscuit's digestive system develops, it becomes harder and harder to keep the smell in the pail. I dread flipping the lid to dump the diaper each time.

Okay, so I suppose I must fess up a bit. Yes, I really do believe in green living and nothing would make me happier than to stop using disposable diapers. I truly love the little 'g' diapers and I personally think I would be happier as a baby with a cloth diaper on, but daycare + "green" diapers do not mix. I use Pampers (I prefer Baby Dry, but can't find them in size 6 so I'm forced to use Cruisers). Frankly, if I ever end up with another baby who is a girl (which sadly it looks like I never will), I absolutely will use chlorine-free, recycled diapers (I'll blog on the reasons why we need to pay special attention to our developing baby girls in another blog) but for now, it is what it is and my filling up the landfills with diapers days are numbered!

The Biscuit has been showing more and more signs of potty-readiness lately. He can almost get his pants down on his own, he tells me when he's pottying, he's interested in the potty, and he often wakes up with a dry diaper. So, I decided it was time for the Biscuit to pick out his throne.

Many moons ago, when I initially thought he was "ready" for potty training (yes, a bit anxious I know), I bought him a seat to lay on top of our potty seat. This time, I went for the more accessible, on the floor potty. The Biscuit and I went shopping, he picked out the royal potty, and he held on to it the whole time we were in the store.

When we got the potty home, the Biscuit and I set it up in the bathroom, he pulled his pants down (I took off his diaper), and he sat on his new throne. The prince then proceeded to look down for about 5 seconds and Eureka: pee pee in the potty! My boy is a natural.

We both did the pee pee dance while the "royal potty" played the pee pee dance music. A suggestion to all: put a washable rug under the potty. Pee pee guards are just useless. Diaper days are numbered.

If only I knew what in the heck to do next.

Me and My Shadow

The other day, I noticed that the Biscuit was behaving rather strangely. He was walking backwards away from a wall and then forwards in a repeated motion. Thoughts of "uh-oh, we've got a crazy one on our hands" did occur to me.

I realized, however, that the Biscuit had found his shadow. I was delighted! "He's your friend Biscuit!" I shouted to him. The Biscuit was amused with his new friend and desperately wanted to touch him so he kept moving toward the wall to try and get closer.

Ahhhh. A developmental milestone reached. A world of imagination begins. I can't wait to get him outside so we can have him jump and try and chase his new friend. Gotta make sure I have the video camera so I can record the moment and send it to the America's Funniest show.

Climbing the Stairs

We live in a 1-story house that has these amazingly steep steps up the front to the porch. I always carry the Biscuit up the stairs when we go in the front door (we usually go in the back door). This past weekend, I put the Biscuit down at the bottom of the steps and said, "Mommy watch."

My brilliant child walked up the 6 or so steps, holding on to the rail with both hands, with no assistance at all. Apparently, he had done the same when he went to visit his Paw Paw so I wanted to check to see if he could do it at the house. Let me stress again that we don't have stairs so this truly is a bit amazing.

I had the blessing of taking 2 semesters of a perpetual motor therapy development class during college. In class, we worked with kids with challenged motor development. Our two goals with the kids were to 1 - walk up a flight of stairs correctly and 2 - tie shoes by themselves. The girl I worked with was 6-years old. Many kids walk up stairs when they are learning by going up sideways. The Biscuit walked straight and held on with both hands (one crossed over his body).

This is why I am so amazed with the little magician. He truly is magic to me. I guess we'll start working on tying shoes now.